Because I don't have many better things to do ;) Just a collection of quotes that I liked, most of them funny, some just colloquialisms that made me smile, others neither but they made me laugh.
M is Mave, G is Guy. Obviously.
EPISODE 1M: “We’re gonna have a bookcase. And this bookcase will hold the key to everything.”
G:
-laughing- “D’yuh think?”
M: “It will be the oracle, like the oracle of everything narrowboat.”
G:
-over him- “Oh no Mavis, don’t get deep Mavis, don’t get deep.”
“It’s the ‘measure twice, cut once’ job.” –
Guy steering the boat into the lift.
On the boat liftM: “It’s the epitome of British engineering, innit?
G: “That’s you getting deep again Mavis”
M: “I’m a bit overcome by it all again.”
G: “It is impressive.”
On smelting iron ore.G: “Sounds easy, dunnit? I thought yeeeah, can’t be rocket science, can it? But apparently it is. Apparently it’s brain surgery. And would you put brain surgery above rocket science? Wouldja? Wouldja??”
On seeing the finished furnace.G: “Chief I’m impressed. I’m in awe.”
“M: In
ore? How very fitting.”
G:
-squeals in agreement-
After casting their iron pot.G: “We’ve earned ourselves a brew I reckon.”
M: “Gasping.”
Receiving their handmade mugsM: “Is that a reflection of me??”
G: “What do you reckon?”
M: “Small and broken?”
-both laugh-M: “Hang on why is yours bigger than mine??”
G: “Well, I thought Mave was a bit… small and stumpy.”
Trying the blended tea.G: “Are we clinking before or after do you think?”
M: “I reckon clink before cos it might be the last clink we ever 'ave.”
-both laugh-M: “Tell you what chief, it’s all come together.”
G:
-squeaks in agreement with a mouthful of tea-M: “The pot, the tea, the cups - ”
G: “The cup-maker especially I think.”
M: “Me and thee
(-they clink mugs-), on a boat, in a canal, celebrating what’s the finest and best of British."
G:
“Without a doubt.
M:
"Cheers."
G: "Good work young man.”
EPISODE 2In the rainG: “She’s a bit moist boss, a bit moist. We’re not made of sugar though.”
G: “Believe this, or believe it not. In the industrial revolution, Birmingham had 174 miles of canals.”
M: “Yeah I can believe it and I’ll tell you what - ”
G: “More than Venice boy! More than Venice…”
M: “I can believe it, and I reckon we’ve hit every corner on the way round!”
G: “Haha. You’re not wrong.”
Mave on Guy: “He’s filthy. He dunt wash. Jumps in the bath there’d be an oil slick.”
After the shed explodes (demonstrating the exploding water heater)G:
-high-pitched- “Weeell….”
M: “That’d’ve ‘urt.”
G: “That’d’ve upset next door I think.”
“More tea, vicar?”
G: “I won’t even joke. That’s a life time supply of soap.”
G: “John Harrington, that’s who invented the loo, 'e was the man. Saucy godson of the Queen. That’s what they reckon. I mean, I don’t know what that means. I think maybe… 'e was a bit of a boy.”
Mave on the penny-farthing bike (shown in the opening)M: “Wheeeeeeeeee. I wish me legs were a bit longer.”
“Hell’s teeth.”
When the shower still doesn’t work.G: “Chief, what would Watt and Bolton do in this situation?”
M:
-quietly- “I dunno.”
G: “Eh? James Watt; 'e wouldn’t go tearing around like a bull in a china shop, boy.”
M: “Well we’re not doing are we?”
G: “Cuppa tea, sit and think about it boy.”
“I love you! I love you more than chips!”
– Mave to Guy after they get the shower working
After his shower.G: “Where’s me pants?”
EPISODE 3G: “A man without a bed - ”
M: “Is a man with no 'ome.”
Measuring the bedG: “What sort of width are we going for? Are we making it for two people boy, can we get cozy?”
M: “What both of us?
G: “Yeah I think.”
M: “Yeah we’ll make it 4 foot so we can keep each other warm. It’s what the-“
G: “I think so.”
M: “It’s what the SAS do. If it’s good enough for them it’s good enough for us.”
M: “What do you know about making mattresses??”
G: “The thick end of not a lot, boss.”
“But he snores like a Perkins diesel.” –
Mave on the fact that Guy goes out like a light.
With the bedsheets wrapped round them like capes.G: “’I thought that cotton came from sheep.”
M: “I know mate. You do need a thrashing for that one.”
“You’re not worthy to lay on this.” –
Mave on seeing the label on the mattress.
Guy sees the bedroom nearly finished.G: “By ‘eck chief.”
M: “Now then boy, I thought I’d turn your bedroom into a bit of a workshop if you don’t mind.”
G: “Chief, chief, chief…”
M:
-over him- “Chief, chief,
chief…”
G: “That is a boudoir is it not?”
M:
-in a french accent- “Le boudoir… for Monsieur Martin.”
“That is gonna get you out of bed. That is gonna wake ‘em up in
Mongolia, chief.” –
Mave about the bell alarm clock.“I can’t believe I’m getting a lecture about being mucky off you!” –
Mave after being told off for standing on the mattress.M: “This mattress has already got a grip of me, and I don’t think I wanna get off it. It’s absolutely fabulous.”
Getting into bed.G: “Right Mave, are you coming for the duration?
M: “Uh…”
G: “Eh?”
M: “Uh nah I don’t think so. I mean, I like your bed. And I know you’re me mate and everything but, you don’t -”
G: “Go on.”
M: “You don’t wash, and you’re not particularly handsome. I reckon I might go ‘ome.”
G: “What?”
–chuckles-EPISODE 4M: “We’re getting quite domesticated boy.”
G: “Tell you what chief, we’re getting there aren’t we?”
M: “We’re gonna get laughed at.”
G: “D’you reckon?”
M: “Oh aye.”
G: “Get laughed at...... Whatever, chief.”
M: “Whatever.”
Mave, being badgered by Guy whilst making baked beans.M: “I’m in the kitchen, you’re interrupting my creative flow.”
G: “Mave what
are you doing??”
M:
-defensively- “I’m just putting a pinch of salt in.”
G: “’ave you- A PINCH OF SALT?? A
PINCH OF SALT????”
When discussing that baked beans were originally sold only in posh grocers.M: “Probably one of them shops that you go to.”
G: “You what?? I’ve ‘eard of it Mavis. I’ve ‘eard of it. But no more than that. It’s in that, um, village, London village.”
M: “That funny place downtown where everything’s dear?”
When funnelling the beans into the tin.G: “That noise doesn’t fill me wi' confidence Mave.”
M: “It’s like standing behind the back of a horse, innit.”
Making electricity with the Faraday spinning discs.G: “Magnet either side, we’ll spin this, we’ll get a bit of electric.”
M: “Electrickery…”
G: “Electrikity. Go on say that again?”
M: “Electrickery.”
G: “Electrickery…”
After using his sleeve as a napkin.M: “Me mother’d kill me.”
G:
-laughs- “She’d be reet.”
EPISODE 5In the Harecastle Tunnel.M: “It took 3 years to build this and I reckon one trip through we’ll’ve about demolished it. It’s like being in a dodgem.”
G: “I’m losing me concentration, you’re getting me all of a dither wi’ your bread and cheese.”
M: “I know mate, you’re getting all giddy aren’t ya? Look at that.”
– gives him cheese-G: “Thank you very much young man.”
G: “We’re gonna make Reckless a domestic palace. A domestic palace with flames.”
G: “16-tonne of boat and you can move it yourself, the man mountain that is Mavis!”
Dum Spiro Spero – While I breathe, I hope.
M: “’ere we are ladies and gentlemen, getting attacked by a swan. And I am actually a little bit nervous because I ‘aven’t got any food to bribe its affections with.”
Whilst painting lettering on Reckless.Meg(Painter): “What’s this stick doing?”
Mave: “I don’t know but I’m ‘anging onto it for security.”
About interior designer William Morris.G: “Do we know 'im well enough? We know 'im well enough don’t we? We can call 'im Bill can’t we?”
After reading Morris’ poetryG: “Ooh I could get quite emotional. Eh. Maybe that’s me new – Maybe - maybe we’ve found summat. D’you think we ‘ave? Guy Martin – poet….... Nah.”
When told off by Meg for having a dirty mug.G: “It’s not for looking at chief, it’s for drinking tea.”
On his painting.G: “I’m thinking, when I’ve got someone’s backside there as the clouds, and that’s a bit wonky… It’s not looking good is it?”
EPISODE 6Mave poses on top of the boat while it’s travelling through ice“I feel like an explorer!”
G: "Gonna have a bit of a party. Few shandies, bit of a shindig. But, we need a bit of food don’t we. When I left school, I always fancied meself as a bit of a chef. Mustard at making carrot cakes I was, mustard.”
ChefMan: “She
[Queen Victoria] had a curry every Friday night.”
M: “D’you think she’d be a Jalfrezi or -
Every Friday night??”
CM: “Every Friday apparently, she had a - ”
G: “Good lass! Eh? We like her don’t we?!”
After shoving ¼ of a cake into his mouth.M: “I’ll let you into a little secret now; I don’t really like Victoria Sponge.”
On completely fresh milkM: “That’s fairly mega, innit.”
Photographer: “You do realise that, in this light, you’re gonna have to be still for about… I dunno… one or two minutes.”
G: “That ain’t gonna ‘appen ‘tween me and ‘im.”
M: “You are
joking.”
G: “Not in a month of Sundays boss.”
M: “Seriously, like dead still??”
Setting up the old-fashioned camera.
M: “This is taking a lot of fiddling and I’ll tell you what this is just driving ‘ome to me ‘ow difficult it is, cos you know, we can wander round with a camera going ‘click click click click click click click that’s rubbish that’s rubbish that’s rubbish oh I like that one.’ We ain’t got that luxury with this. This ‘as to be set up right before ‘e nods off.”
G: “Pull your finger out boy, I’m
nithered.”
While Guy’s photo is being taken.M: “Aw listen to that
silence… Peace and quiet.”
Mave after his photo (apparently ‘chelping’ means moaning).“It’d‘ve been alright if I ‘and’t ‘ad this constant
chelping in my ear off. Man alive. It’s a wonder he can keep that gob shut long enough to
drink tea!”
M: “When we first set off on that boat and we were
bashing it into this and
bashing it into that, I just thought ‘Mega. This is gonna be a trip of a lifetime.’”
G: “What d’you fancy next? A train?”
M:
-excited- “A train?!”
They just dyed his hair :/
As Captain Nero, he's pretty hot (you know, in a evil-psycho kind of way). But with fwooshy glossy locks... I'd run away faster than Enterprise in warp drive o_O
Urgh ¬¬
